Your Vagina Opens & Closes Based On How Safe It Feels

Did you know that your vagina opens and closes based on how safe it feels?

Yes, your vagina is lined with smooth muscle tissue which is controlled by your autonomic nervous system, which is the branch of the nervous system that responds automatically–below conscious awareness. 

This means that we can’t just tell ourselves we feel safe. Our body tells us if it feels safe. 

This is why safety is the foundation of all sensuality. Because, if we don’t feel safe, we can’t open and if we can’t open then we can’t actually feel. 

Even the hair follicles covering our skin are wrapped in this smooth muscle tissue, arrector pili muscles that contract and expand. When we get goosebumps it’s actually called a piloerection! 

We are such sensitive, sensual, feeling creatures. And for this reason, safety is something that happens from the inside-out. Of course, our physical and social environment is incredibly important too, but if we don’t have the neural wiring for the felt-sense of safety within our bodies, then regardless of environment our bodies still don’t feel safe. 

This is where Neuroception comes in, a term coined by Dr. Stephen Porges, author of the Polyvagal Theory, to name the way our nervous systems are constantly picking up information from our internal (body) and external environment to tell the brain how safe we feel. This is also occurring automatically, without conscious effort. 

I think of this as our animal-body wisdom.

A lot in our modern world and capitalist society feels unsafe for our animal bodies. This leaves us stuck in overly-activated or shut-down, in protection mode. And we can’t be in protection mode and growing at the same time. We require a healthy balance of the two but we can’t do both at the same time. We also can’t be in protection mode and feel authentically receptive, sensually embodied and enthusiastically interested in pleasure. 

What helps bring us out of this protection mode is nurturing, loving connection with ourselves and with others. This is where Oxytocin comes in. Oxytocin has been called the Love Hormone, Moral Molecule, Cuddle Chemical but I’ve come to think of it as the Hormone of Attachment. It’s present when we are making love, making out, holding hands, sharing a meal, hugging a loved one, etc. It plays a vital role in the early mother-baby bond, laying the foundation for primary attachment. 

Oxytocin also has powerful effects on smooth muscle tissue– influencing the rhythmic contractions of the uterus that facilitate birthing and also are part of the constellation of what makes up an orgasm, as well as the milk ejection reflex in the alveoli of the nipple, responsible for mammalian body-feeding.

Oxytocin is an important part of our evolutionary story as humans. It physiologically and neurochemically drives us to create trustworthy and reciprocal relationships which have been fundamental to our survival as a species. It’s not the stuff of nervous, edgy passion. It’s the warm-fuzzy feeling that you get in your belly when you are in the presence of someone that you can feel cares for you and has your best interest at heart. 

All bodies create Oxytocin and are capable of that deep, caring, nurturing kind of love. And, all bodies can produce higher levels of Oxytocin during orgasm. Because of the way smooth muscle and erectile tissue are uniquely spread out in female genital anatomy (rather than mostly concentrated in one concerted form) this feeling of care and safety is essentially required for female arousal.

We can no longer ignore our bodies, because our bodies have important messages to share with us. As we connect more deeply with our bodies, our bodies become safer places to be.

This is why we can no longer ignore our bodies–they have important messages to share with us when we remember to listen.